I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
