all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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