i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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