life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
