Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
