if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
