He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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