Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
