just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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