I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
