I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
