Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
