Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
