so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
