i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
