If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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