i think my tv is drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
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if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i now understand why vodka
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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