help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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