singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
