if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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