Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
