Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
