i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
