O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
