It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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