My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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