I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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