I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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