just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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