question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
