Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
