My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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