OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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