I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
