he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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