He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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