Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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