i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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