the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
