i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
