He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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