Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
