I'm so fucking centered right now
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
