Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
