wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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