k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ttyl tear gas
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
soo... how was my night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize