And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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