absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
