i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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