her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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