Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
