how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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