I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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