her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
