and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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