i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
