he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
