Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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