You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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