I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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