she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
