chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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