Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
