what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
