Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
