Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
