I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
