This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
