We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize