so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
