It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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