So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
