As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize