My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's on the porch naked. Help.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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