i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
