after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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