How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
