I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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