i just identified you from a description of your pipe
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
