Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
